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  • Writer's pictureAllison Canter

10 Things I Wish that Someone Would've Told Me Before I Found Them Out Myself

1. You create your reality. Everyone else is just characters in your show.

Your whole entire life you only get to be you. If there’s a pedestal, then you should be on it. Don’t be cocky, but start thinking of people as the supporting roles instead of the main character in your show. That doesn’t mean you get to decide what kind of traits their character will have. When someone shows you who they are believe them and then decide how you’re going to let them play into your story.

2. You have to eat 3,500 calories today in order to gain a single pound by tomorrow.

I’m not going to tell you what the average amount of calories a woman should be consuming is. I can tell you it’s not 1,200 though. If I know one toxic behavior, it’s absolutely obsessing over food intake. I’ve had disordered eating habits my whole life. From eating a whole box of granola bars at the age of 8 to growing up and being afraid of flour and butter, I can tell you that food isn’t your enemy. So you “ate too much” today? I doubt it.

You have to eat 3,500 calories in one day to gain one pound. The average American Thanksgiving dinner has ~1,800 calories in it. Put that into preference, and then calm the hell down. Plus, even if you do gain a pound, who is going to notice besides you? Nobody. Relax.

3. When they call you a bitch, look to their boyfriend (or their best friend).

People just fucking hate women. Genuinely. I can confidently tell you that if there’s an opportunity to hate on a woman, everyone will jump on it, even other women. I’d say 50% of the times that I speak my mind I get praised for being wise, and then 40% of the time I get called a bitch, 5% is reserved for eye rolls and being called weird, and then the last 5% is when people just straight up ignore me. All of these responses are just symptoms of being a woman. When a woman shares her opinion, everyone has to have an opinion on her opinion. I’ll tell you right now you’re either going to be brave or bitchy.

I’ll admit, sometimes I’m a bitch on purpose. Like right now, I’m trying to be a bitch. But, do you want a tip on how you can really tell if you’re being a bitch? Put your words into a man’s mouth, and watch how his girlfriend swoons or his buddies laugh. Take a lesson from me: trophies aren’t bitches, and bitches aren’t trophies. All I’m saying is that if you’re a woman with a knack for speaking, just get good at holding your head high or telling people to go fuck themselves.

4. Intuition isn’t anxiety, and anxiety isn’t intuition.

I’d say I’m a pretty anxious person. As I get older, it gets a bit better and a bit worse. Where I don’t find myself in panic mode over unimportant daily tasks anymore, I do find myself rehearsing the same anxious routine any time I think of certain events in my life. As someone who keeps having dreams about things that end up actually happening to me (if you know you know) and has a lot of gut feelings, I’d like to think I’m an intuitive person. I think we all can be, I just think that we either ignore it or we don’t. There’s a difference between knowing something’s going to happen and being anxious about it happening, though. Intuition often isn’t obsessive, it comes and it goes. Anxiety lingers and reinvents itself when you move on from whatever you’re anxious about. Get it?

5. You should be able to afford a $5 coffee every day.

When someone tells you the reason you don’t have any money is because you frequent Starbucks too often, remind them that you work too hard to not be able to afford a coffee. Seriously, they can take it up with your employer if they feel that strongly about it. You probably work hard, and if you’re struggling to spend $5 a day on yourself then you’re not being paid enough - plain and simple. So, anyway, if you want to spend $150 on coffee a month ($140 if it’s February) then text me for drink recipes.

6. The phone works both ways, and you’re on one side of that line.

You don’t have to wait around for someone to contact you, you’re perfectly capable of sending that text or making that call. This goes for friendships, relationships, your family, or whoever it may be. If you’re not communicating, then don’t be mad when someone else isn’t. Most people aren’t mind readers. As for being patient and waiting for them to make that contact…never felt that emotion. Being the cool girl who waits patiently for someone else to speak their mind has never resonated with me. I have a lot of self-control, but when I want to say something I can’t bite my tongue. I can say I sleep better when I get the answers that I want. I get a full 8 hours every night if you were wondering.

7. Everyone is waiting for someone else to speak.

To the tune of the last point is this one. I do not miss college. Ever. One of the reasons that I don’t miss college is because I hated it when a professor would ask a question and then nobody would answer until someone reluctantly broke the ice. It really was such a teeth-grinding experience for me. I think about it way too often. Anyway, that’s literally going to be the rest of your life. Nobody will ever speak because nobody wants to be the one who spoke first. I don’t know if it’s the oldest child or the Taurus in me, but I’ll always be the first one to talk.

8. When in doubt, ask the spirits.

Don’t believe in tarot cards? Seems like a personal problem. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been prepared for a situation just because I did a reading about it. I don’t like grey areas. Another good way to get answers is to ask for signs. For instance, I asked a question out loud to the universe and asked for the answer to come as a butterfly. A real butterfly didn’t appear, but when I had to burn a sheet of paper that night the first flame left a butterfly-shaped hole in the paper. Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture:

9. Internalized misogyny exists, and you have some too.

Remember when I said people love to hate women? Bingo. People do love to hate women, and because of that, I think every person, even the strongest feminist you know has a bit of internalized misogyny. It’s not misogynist to dislike someone who wronged you, first and foremost. But, I think a lot of times the internalized misogyny in women stems from the innate need to compete with other women. Women are constantly at odds with each other in a way men just aren’t. Men don’t have a structured list of things they need to do in order to gain approval every time they leave the house. I do think that all women can win without other women having to lose in the process. However, it definitely doesn’t look that simple most of the time.

10. Having emotions, and sharing them, isn’t embarrassing.

Nobody’s stone cold. I think that a lot of people are really good at concealing their emotions. I’m not. Never really have been, probably never will be. The psychic who told me to start this blog described my biggest fear as being perceived as needy. Which, yeah, it is. I like being independent and being perceived that way. That’s not always how it goes, though. I’ve been told I’m too needy, too much, too loud, too mean, etc. more times than I can comfortably count without having to take a trip to my therapist’s office. Even though I’ve never been afraid to speak, I would typically share my emotions and spend the next day regretting and rephrasing the way I did it.

Everyone has emotions, but the only one that’s really going to feel your emotions is you. I guess I don’t really understand what the point of holding it all in is. How many times can you cry in your car or scream into your pillow until you get over your fear of annoying someone? This is still something I’m trying to learn. I’m really a people pleaser at heart, I just don’t have a lot of follow-through.

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